Day 1

It’s the day after the hottest day of the year. Two Uber drivers have just cancelled my booking, so I take my walking stick and my suitcase and haul myself and it onto the bus. I arrive at East Croydon train station, knowing already I’ve missed the train I wanted to catch.

It doesn’t matter. The heat is still melting overhead lines and the train schedules are up the walls. Eventually I get on one, arrive at Horsham exactly one hour later than planned and jump in a taxi for the 20-minute drive to the Simply Healing Retreat, where I’m about to have nothing except juice for 3 days.

A call on my mobile from the engineer who’s arrived to fix my internet, claiming he’s outside my house getting no response to the bell – I know my flatmate is in there – means I arrive in a cloud of expletives, trying to reassure the man he will get in, calling my flatmate to see where the hell he is, phoning my upstairs neighbour to see if she’s around and scaring the taxi driver, who drives off quickly after leaving me at the door.

I stand outside a rather lovely red-bricked country house surrounded by gardens and rolling fields, shouting into my phone as somebody tiptoes out of the house, picks up my suitcase and takes it inside, smiling and nodding at me, telling me to take my time.

I hang up and take a deep breath. Here the heat isn’t as oppressive as in London, there’s a gentle breeze and rustling leaves. There are sunloungers and sculptures in the gardens and a hanging swing under some trees. I step inside to a quiet peaceful space with couches, take another breath and think, wow, I’m glad I didn’t come shouting in here.

Later, after I’ve checked into my room – a gorgeous light-filled space with views of the garden – changed into my robe and padded back down in my slippers to the treatment room for my body scrub, I feel totally relaxed.I’ve left bad Uber drivers, messed up trains, mixed up internet appointments and my grumpy self behind. And because I had a big hunk of bread and blue cheese before I left the house, I don’t yet feel hungry.

At 4.30 there’s ‘afternoon (herbal) tea’ at reception (just tea, no sandwiches, cake or scones sadly) and I meet some of my fellow ‘inmates’ who’ve been here a few days. Two of them say they’ve done nothing but sleep for their first full day and I think, good on you, sleep is hugely underrated in this life. There are 8 of us here for the weekend, everybody has their own story, all of us wanting to detox and relax for one reason or another.

It’s a great place to swap stories and information and most people here have come on personal recommendations so I hear many positive Simply Healing success stories. The guests who’ve been here for a few days are already looking refreshed and glowing – ‘honestly, you wouldn’t believe the difference in her since she arrived’, one man tells me about a fellow guest, and I wonder if I’ll be radiant too when I leave. Then I go out to the garden and spend half an hour swinging on the lounger under the trees.

At 5.30pm I have my first juice – something green with celery – and then meditation at 7 – a guided journey led by Vivien, the shamanic healer who runs the retreat. And I’m delighted to find that at 7.30 we have soup! Detox soup albeit – pea, lettuce and mint – but soup nonetheless. My teeth fall excitedly on shreds of lettuce and two whole peas, chewing enthusiastically.

I don’t start to feel hungry until around about 9pm, back in my room, tucked up for the night. There are TVs and DVD players in our rooms – with lots of DVDs to borrow from the big book-filled sitting room downstairs – but we’re encouraged to keep the volume low to allow others to rest, with everything turned off by 10.30pm. Mobiles are not allowed in the public areas and we’re reminded to speak softly when using them in our rooms.

My stomach is rumbling uncomfortably but – prepared for hunger – I’ve brought the latest Jo Nesbo thriller with me, Knife. If the antics of his depressed alcoholic detective Harry Hole can’t keep my mind off food, nothing can.

Day 2

I’ve gone to sleep starving, fantasising about juicy burgers smothered in fried onions and blue cheese. I rarely eat burgers, much less blue cheese, my detox seems to have uncovered my inner burger fan. But I wake up at 7am feeling okay. Not hungry. Not full. Just normal.

There’s hot water with lemon at reception where we detoxers discuss our night’s sleep (up every hour to pee, recounts one – toxins clearly coming out). There should have been a walk around the deer farm and through the fields this morning but, unlike yesterday’s searing temperatures, today is grey and wet.

Then it’s time for juice at 8.30am, which is served communal style in the large dining room. I spotted a biscuit barrel in the corner as soon as I walked in here yesterday – sadly empty (natch).

There’s a nice social aspect to the retreat, as we all gather together to drink juice, but it’s easy to have as much time as you want to yourself also – everybody has their own schedule of timed treatments.

There’s an exercise room with power plates and a chi machine, which is an interesting piece of equipment. Big with the Japanese, it works by moving the legs gently from side to side to circulate blood efficiently around the body, helping cells to absorb oxygen and remove toxins. Chi is the Chinese word for ‘life force energy’ and our life force energies can do with a helping hand from time to time.

I have reflexology at 9am, a lovely treatment that establishes I have no major issues with my body parts – replaced hip aside. I find reflexology fascinating. A sort of foot massage for the soles of the feet, it claims that every part of the body is connected to the bottom of the foot and by working on each section of the foot, therapists can help to heal the related body part. Sound crazy? I’ve had very accurate diagnoses from it, so don’t rule it out even though Wikipedia will tell you there “is no convincing evidence that reflexology is effective for any medical condition”. And I’m told I look “blissful” by one of the other guests after my treatment – so don’t tell me there is no benefit to this!

Then it’s juice at 11, 1 and 2.30, afternoon tea at 4.30, more juice at 5.30, meditation at 7 and carrot and sweet potato soup at 7.30. I also have a manual lymphatic drainage massage at 1.30 so it’s a packed schedule here – no lazing around detoxing for us! It does help to keep hunger at bay for a while – all that wandering down to the dining room, going for treatments, strolling out to the garden to sit on a sun-lounger. And all that drinking of juice – all freshly prepared, a different recipe each time. And I probably should point out that nobody else on the retreat feels hungry as they are all taking supplements with their juices to help with their cleansing. Just me then…

I’ve practically been put into a coma by my lunchtime massage, so deeply relaxing is the experience, so have to indulge in a half-hour nap back in my room. Where they’ve thoughtfully replaced yesterday’s velvet throw with a snuggly fur one in deference to the weather.

But despite it all, I’m still hungry by early evening, with the beginnings of a slight headache. I’ve had to stop reading the second book I’ve brought with me, Is Butter A Carb? Unpicking Fact from Fiction in the World of Nutrition. All that talk of proteins and fats is making me salivate.

I go for a walk with a few of my companions around the next-door deer farm to keep my mind off it. No deer in sight. Probably just as well. I can’t stop thinking about venison. There’s a slight uphill incline on the way home which has us all puffing slightly and for some God unknown reason, we’ve talked about nothing but food on the entire journey.

Still, that night I turn on the lamps in my bedroom, cosy up with my fur blanket on the couch, and let Harry Hole take my mind off everything again.

Day 3: the final day

I’m definitely hungry when I wake up on day 3 but also happy, looking forward to the salad I will be having for lunch. Yes, it’s my last day today and I get to have a salad before I go, introducing my body back to solids gradually. Vivien, who runs Simply Healing, recommends that we introduce light food gradually once we leave, stick to the juicing and carry on drinking the four bottles of water we’re encouraged to take every day. We’re all issued with water bottles with our names on them on arrival and I’ve been carrying mine with me everywhere.

Vivien is an interesting person. A trainer healer and shaman, she has run the Simply Healing Retreat in Sussex for the past 20 years and counts celebrities and Royal Families among her guests. She has worked all over the world, starting in California where she introduced her juice retreats 30 years ago, after using the technique to manage her own health issues. She’s run healing clinics all over the UK and Ireland, led pilgrimages to sacred sites in Peru, Egypt and Mexico and still leads tours to meet the shamans of Manu Picchu every year.

The Sussex retreat has a massive 68% visitor return rate and there’s no doubt from leafing through the visitors’ book at reception that guests have experienced amazing benefits from their time here. With people returning for the second, third and fourth times, comments describe the programmes as “life-changing”, “heart-warming”, “mind-opening” and “amazing – didn’t want to leave”. “I lost my weight and found myself” says one poignant entry.

Guests also pay tribute to the support they receive from staff – all of the therapists are highly qualified and experienced and have worked with Vivien for many years, because “they like it here”, she explains. Running the retreat with her daughter, she bought the house to open it to others and carry on her healing work. In addition to the prescribed detox and weight-loss programmes, additional treatments, including one-to-one sessions with Vivien herself, are available as add-ons. Groups are kept small, 12 guests is the maximum number the house can hold but 10 is the average – the weekend I visit, there are just 8 of us.

And while our bodies have sophisticated mechanism for detoxing themselves – namely our liver, kidneys, gut, skin and lungs (as my nutrition book Is Butter A Carb? reminded me before hunger drove me to put it down) – it really does help to step out of our busy lives occasionally to take a good look at how we’re eating and how we’re living. It’s easy to get into bad habits when life is too rushed, too fast, too stressed – and it’s of no help at all to our guts, liver, kidneys and the rest to live like this.

Having a routine is a good way to make a change and I enjoy the regular juice times during the retreat, vowing to stick to something similar back at home. Most of my days kick off to an erratic start, with lots of rushing around. Making time in the morning to take some juice, eat a mindful breakfast and fill up a water bottle is a much better option – it will just take a bit of organising.

And now it’s time for me to leave. I’ve had my detox massage after my morning juice, taken a stroll around the grounds, drank more juice, rocked in the swing, eaten my lunch-time salad and had a quick chat with Vivien – she gives each guest a personalised one-to-one consultation before they leave, offering advice on incorporating elements of the detox diet into everyday life.

Okay, I admit it, I had a bar of chocolate as soon as I got to the train station for the journey home. And it tasted glorious. But since I’ve been back I’ve continued to juice every morning, keep a water bottle beside me to sip from throughout the day and am eating lots of fresh vegetables and fruit.

My skin looks clearer and my eyes are brighter. I feel a bit lighter, less bloated. But more importantly, I have a healthy routine now which fits in easily with my everyday lifestyle. While our bodies don’t constantly need to go through the extremes of detoxing, it’s certainly useful to take a step back and re-adjust bad habits. It has certainly helped me.

Read my Simply Healing review in The Scotsman

The Simply Healing Detox Retreat, West Sussex, offers 5, 7 or 10 day detox and weight-loss programmes, as well as weekend retreats; for more information visit www.simplyhealingcentre.com, call 01403 822117 or email info@simplyhealingcentre.com

A grand-turn-of-the-century mansion house hotel is a great place to play at being a duchess, as I found out

Tylney Hall is a very grand turn-of-the-century stately home hotel in 66 acres of Hampshire countryside. It’s very Downton Abbey – a family home for three and a half centuries, though the current building dates from 1901, it was used as a hospital during the First World War. And Highclere Castle, where Downton was filmed, is less than an hour’s drive away.

It’s been a home for the Tylneys (who owned a sizeable chunk of Hampshire in the 1700’s) and the Earl of Mornington (who demolished the 18th century mansion house so he could sell the timber in the surrounding woodlands – the terms of his inheritance stated he couldn’t fell it while the house was standing, easy that – he just knocked it down). Baronet Lionel Philips built the current house and after him came Lord and Lady Rotherwick who lived there until the 1940s, when the house was sold and became a school until 1984. It re-opened as a hotel in 1985 after being restored to its former glory.

It’s a building fit for a whole bevy of lords and ladies, dowager countesses, delicate Turkish princes and other distinguished guests. Sweep down the grand oak panelled staircase and make believe you’ve just been summoned by Carson’s gong for dinner. The wood was imported by the Baronet from Italy, probably around the same time he was shipping over an ornate ceiling from the Grimation Palace in Florence and installing it in what is now the Italian Lounge, popular for afternoon tea.

The Baronet’s library is still full of books, only now there’s a bar there as well. All of the lounges have huge fireplaces and – real! – open fires. Pastoral landscapes line the high-ceilinged corridors upstairs and there are suites for private parties and corporate meetings (the Hall is just an hour’s drive from London). Everywhere there are beautiful views of the grounds – formal gardens, woodland and wild meadows, a boathouse lake and sculpted fountains. Sit on the beautiful stone terrace and look down what is claimed to be the longest uninterrupted view in Hampshire – though you won’t be able to see the bomb shelter at the end from here. What a long scary run that must have been …

What are the rooms like?
The bedrooms in the main house have beautiful views over the formal Italian gardens and lake beyond (deluxe rooms from £220, garden view for £255). The rest of the 112 rooms are housed in the garden courtyards in former outhouses and have their own front doors opening onto lushly planted lawns. Great for families, you’ll be able to hear the ducks quacking in the nearby water garden. Or stay in one of the Orangery suites (from £430) and the ducks will be right on your doorstep.

My room is in the main house and has a huge marble fireplace and big bay windows. It’s a quirky blend of old and new – a shiny Nespresso machine on a leather-topped period table, an iPod dock on the retro mahogany desk. It’s a junior suite (from £360) so I have a couch and armchairs with a view of the lake.

What’s in the bathroom?
The shock of modernity! After all the floral soft furnishings and period furniture next door, the bathroom is a contemporary surprise. There’s a large corner bath, toiletries are by Molton Brown and the fluffy robes and slippers on the back of the door are standard in every room.

How’s the bed?
King size with a floral pelmet trim. The pillows are so vast and comfortable that I’m discussing them on Twitter at 7am the next morning – up with the sun for an early morning walk, country estates do that to me when they’re outside my window.

What about eating and drinking?
The Oak Room dining room was the Baronet’s smoking room, it’s a very grand space with a high Baroque ceiling, floor-to-ceiling windows and beautifully dressed, white linen-clothed tables. Gentlemen, ties please.
Sunday lunch is very popular with locals and hotel guests (from £29.50 for three courses) and evening dinner offers a Table d’hote menu (£31.50 for 2 courses, £39.50 for 3) or a la carte (£49.50 for 3 courses). Food is local as far as possible, with herbs and some veg from the hotel’s kitchen garden.
The chef sends out a smoked salmon amuse bouche to start the meal, and there’s a lady wheeling roast beef around in a large silver carving trolley. It’s all very old world and hospitable. There’s a pianist tinkling his way through classical and pop but I don’t stick around once I’ve finished my cheesecake – it’s 9pm, Downton time! What could be better than watching Downton Abbey while feeling like you’ve wandered into it?

Anything else?
There’s a leisure centre with gym and a snooker room – even if you don’t play, check out the fantastic black and white photos of Tylney as a private residence on the walls. There’s a spa offering Kerstin Florian treatments, as well as a light-filled indoor pool, whirlpool and saunas.

Come in the summer and laze on the loungers by the lovely outdoor pool in the garden. There are mapped-out walks around the grounds, as well as packs of games and adventures for families. There’s an 18-hole golf course if you’re that way inclined, tennis courts and a croquet lawn, plus the hotel can organise archery, falconry, horse riding and clay pigeon shooting for guests.

What’s nearby?
There’s plenty to keep you entertained if you tire of being a duchess. Basingstoke Leisure Park is a 15-minute drive, Legoland 40-minutes and Thorpe Park just 45. And you can be at Highclere Castle – the ‘real’ Downton Abbey – Winchester Cathedral or Stonehenge, all in under an hour.

Where is it and how do I book?
Tylney Hall Hotel is located at Rotherwick, Hook, in Hampshire. For information and booking contact the hotel on 01256 764881 or visit the website at www.elitehotels.co.uk.

My ‘healing’ weekend in Austria starts with the crashing sound of the Ryanair bugle announcing ‘another on-time Ryanair flight’ as we touch down at Salzburg airport. Why do they do this?

I mentally replace it with ‘The hills are alive with the sound of music’ as my taxi winds its way high into the mountains skirting the city. Everywhere is covered with a light dusting of snow and as we climb higher, the landscape becomes even more stunning, soaring high peaks dropping to deep valleys with winding valleys and occasional waterfalls.

It’s a healing in itself to look out at the snow-covered rooftops of the beautiful Alpine houses. All around there are fir trees covered in snow. I think of the pictures on Christmas cards from my childhood and feel happy, remembering all that excitement and wonder.

An hour into the mountains and we reach our destination. I chortle with delight. I appear to have stepped INTO a Christmas card from my childhood. The Hotel Grüner Baum is set deep in the Kotschachal valley of Bad Gastein, 1,000 metres above sea level. It’s a collection of traditional timbered buildings set across 70 acres on the edge of Hohe Tauren National Park and has been owned and run by the Blumschein family for four generations. Each one has added a new building to their inheritance, the great-grandparents having the good sense to buy the entire valley as well as the small hunting lodge that is now the main hotel building.

I’m here for the thermal springs of Bad Gastein.

The springs have attracted a whole host of celebrities since their discovery in the 19th century – emperors and kings, politicians and artists, actors and writers have all made their way here. I read through the hotel guest book and see they’re still coming – among the recent entries are Jude Law, Liza Minnelli, King Hassan of Morocco and the entire Dutch royal family.

Healing caves in the mountain

I’m also here for the Heilstollen galleries – the ‘healing caves’ of Bad Gastein. Thousands of people flock here every year looking for relief from arthritis and other bone and joint disorders. Back in the 1940s, miners drilling for gold realised that joint pains miraculously vanished once they were deep inside the mountain caves. Word spread and the first visitors arrived to experience the ‘cure’ in 1952. They’ve been coming ever since.

How does it work?

Apparently it’s all down to the rare radon gas in the caves, drawn from deep inside the earth, which has been shown to ease joint and bone pain.

I’m especially interested in the caves, as I’ve been walking on crutches since last May, following a medical problem with my hip and surgery to regulate it. The surgery appears not to have worked, instead of spending six weeks on crutches I’ve now been on them for six months, and doctors just shake their head whenever I ask how much longer the pain will last for.

I was a bit worried though when I heard the word ‘caves’ – would I be scrabbling around rock pools and lurching down dark passageways on my sticks? But the set-up turns up to be the height of sophistication. After my first night at the hotel, I’m driven to a modern light-filled clinic that seems to be partly built into the mountainside. I have an interview with a doctor, my blood pressure is taken and then I change into the swimwear they’ve advised me to bring.

The journey into the mountain

I’m given a robe and slippers and then taken to the train – oh yes (!), a small train is going to drive us deep into the mountain, starting from an underground platform in the basement of the clinic. There’s a large group of us and we squeeze into the small carriages; there are special carriages at the back with stretchers for those who are unable to sit and need to lie down.

Then we’re off, winding our way into the darkness, but as we journey the chill snowy air starts to turn warmer. And even warmer. We get off at one point to take off our robes, then back into the train where now the temperature is soaring as we go deeper into the mountain. 20-minutes driving later and we stop, the temperature in the high 40s and the humidity hitting a sweaty 100%. A few seasoned cavers – the ones who’ve been here before – get off; the rest of us continue on until the temperature falls to 37 degrees – phew – and humidity is a mere 40%.

We get off, men and women split up and we go our separate ways, arriving at the ‘women’s cave’ where we all strip off completely and lie down on thin mattresses on wooden beds that have been attached to the cave walls. The lighting is very dim and talking is not allowed so we all settle down pretty quickly in this hot humid environment to breathe in pure radon.

It’s a surreal version of a Malory Towers dormitory in an Enid Blyton storybook but I find it much easier than I thought to relax and I sense a gentle but powerful energy coming from the wall of the cave. The doctor comes round halfway through the session to check that everybody is OK and, in what seems like a very short time, the hour is up and the train is clanking back along the track to return us to the clinic.

How do I feel afterwards?

It feels strange emerging from the darkness to see bright sunshine reflecting off the snow, and to contrast us, still covered in sweat from the caves, with the chilly air outside. I’ve really enjoyed my experience in the Heilstollen galleries – and I know this might be completely psychological, but my hip isn’t painful at all when I get off the train.

Radon treatment back at the hotel

Back at the hotel, I go to the spa for a radon bath – just to up my quota of the mineral for today. The hotel runs two separate spring pipes into its buildings – one bringing radon-rich water to the swimming pools and spa baths, the other to every tap in the place. So yes, it is safe – and super healthy – to drink the tap water!

I also have a physiotherapy session, another healing option offered by the spa alongside its regular menu of facials and massages. And my hip is feeling blissfully pain-free. In fact I haven’t bothered walking with my crutch now for the past few hours.

What’s the hotel like?

Hotel Grüner Baum rates itself as ‘four/five star’ but the hotel is too cosy, too quirky to be a fully-fledged five-star. You won’t find any palatial acres of marble-clad foyer; this reception is home to rugs that look like they’ve been walked on, old-fashioned wooden furniture, a sledge, antique typewriters and a statue of St Anthony. There are blackened hearths with roaring fires, stacks of logs and mantelpieces piled with books.

The ‘Hofapotheke’ bar is kitted out with the original interior of the old Royal & Imperial pharmacy in Innsbruck, full of hundreds of tiny drawers and large glass jars dating from the 19th century.

My bedroom in the main building has two terraces with spectacular views of the mountains that rise steeply from the edge of the hotel gardens, behind the spa building. Its windows seem to be a magnet for the the hotel’s Chamois sheep, who take particular delight looking curiously in at me every morning.

An unseasonably early fall of snow when I arrive in early October – the snowy season and skiing don’t normally start until December – has covered everything in the grounds, from the playground and the swimming pool to the rabbit huts and the petting zoo, in a thick snowy blanket.

A taste of ‘healing’ food

Plate glass windows in the Panorama restaurant give stunning views of the valley outside. And in fact it’s in the restaurant where the hotel loses its ‘homely’ atmosphere and becomes the full five-star experience. Food is one of the keystones of the hotel offering – and with a large number of guests opting for half board, they need to be on their toes to keep each evening’s offering varied. They clearly are. Over my three-night stay, I’m treated in turn to a huge buffet spread, a seven-course tasting dinner and a table d’hôte menu with excellent choices; fresh produce given a light modern touch, beautifully presented. Each evening is a treat.

The evening’s menu is delivered every day to my breakfast table – guests occupy the same tables each day, another homely touch – along with information on that day’s activities, special outings, spa deals and the weather forecast!

What else is there to do?

Curl up with a book from the hotel’s collection in the lounge or surf the internet – there’s free wifi throughout the hotel and iPads available to borrow from reception. Swim in the indoor pool, or try the Finnish sauna and steam room. A kids’ lounge has board games, Wii and Playstation, and childcare is available six days a week.

Visit in summer for the outdoor pool, or to explore the many walking trails in the area, mountain bikes and Segways are also available to guests. The petting zoo has goats, rabbits, hamsters and guinea pigs, guests can go horse riding or camp at the converted silver fox farm nearby.

In winter the hotel runs a shuttle service to the ski lifts, plus there’s tobogganing and snowshoe hiking, with a cross-country track starting from the hotel door – people with walking poles crunch their way purposefully past me throughout the weekend. The hotel can book activities such as mountaineering, tandem paragliding, gold panning in the local rivers, hunting, archery and sleigh rides through the national park. The scenery here is beautiful – a horse and carriage took me for a half-hour tour and it was terribly romantic, despite the fact I was by myself!

Find out more

Standard doubles cost from 229 euros (£194); suites from 310 euros (£262); single rooms from 114 euros (£96) per night on a half-board basis. Contact the hotel on 00 43 6434 25160 or visit the website at www.hoteldorf.com

There’s a cold sea breeze blowing, fresher than the London air I’ve left behind, as I step off the plane in Jersey. Feeling totally wintered-out, I’ve come to try the Ayush Spa in Hotel de France. I’m so tired that the shininess of the taps irritates me as I wash my face in the bathroom that night. How do they get them so shiny? And then I realise I’ve had it with winter. I want brightness and sunshine and lambs jumping in fields. Not gales and flu bugs and everyone looking miserable.

Ayurveda is a system of holistic healthcare that originated in India over 5000 years ago and is practiced there today alongside Western medicine. ‘It’s not seen as an alternative practice in India,’ the Ayush spa director, Dr Prasanna, explains to me during my consultation the next morning. ‘There it’s part of the mainstream.’

The Ayurvedic system looks at the person as a whole – our minds and our bodies, our emotions and our spirits – aiming to bring us back a state of balance between all of those elements. Yes – aiming to bring us back. ‘We knew this once,’ says Dr Prasanna. ‘We simply need to find it again.’

Finding my dosha

He’s helping me to find it again – though I suspect and he knows it will take longer than my two-night stay here – by first finding my ‘dosha’, my personal constitution which is made up of a combination of three bio-physical forms. These are Vata (air), Pitta (fire) and Kapha (water). He finds it by giving me a short questionnaire on my physical appearance and personality traits, by checking my eyes and tongue and by feeling my pulse. And by looking at me very intently.

‘Vata and Pita,’ he pronounces. Air and water, a classic combination. He mentions I have problems with static electricity sometimes. I’ve almost been setting fire to inanimate objects over Christmas with the amount of sparks coming off me – so yes, this is spot on. He sums up my hair and skin condition perfectly – though of course he could do this just by looking. But he also raises a question about a change in my body shape. Which there has been, several years ago, due to illness. Overall it’s an impressive diagnosis.

How does Ayurveda work?

So how does this balance thing work? Well – as human beings we achieve balance when we are in a state of tri-dosha. Life, the world, the to-do lists, the daily commute, the new year resolutions gathering dust, the rain, the too-shiny taps and everything else conspire to knock our doshas out of balance. Imbalance results in ailments and poor mental health. Ayurveda helps us to regain balance and therefore good health.

Personal assessment over, it’s time for my treatment plan. This includes everything from the herbs I will be massaged with to the food I should eat. Off my list now are sour fruits like grapefruit (which I can’t bear anyway), kiwis (much too fiddely to bother with), hot peppers (never feature on my shopping list) and wild rice (which my body routinely refuses to digest). But I will miss mushrooms and the occasional aubergine and am not sure how well I’m taking to ‘olives in moderation’.

And it’s interesting to note that I have recently been cutting out a lot of the ‘don’t’ list, just from personal preference – avoiding hard cheese, red meat and caffeine. And I practically cheer when he advises me that I should eat warm cooked foods like stews and soups in favour of cold raw foods like salads. Ha! No more slowly chewing my way through a plate of crunchy awfulness from the health food shop. My mind tried to reason it was good for me, but my body was shouting no!

Finding the answers: Ayurvedic treatments

I really enjoy talking to Dr Prasanna; he also gives me some great tips on eating to boost my energy and to help a medical problem I have. Then it’s time for my first treatment, a classic Shirodhara massage. And so my head and feet are rubbed for a while and afterwards I lie there quietly while oil flows smoothly over my forehead and into a basin beneath. This may have lasted 10 minutes, it may have last 10 hours; the rhythmic soothing flow nudged my body into a place the conscious mind can’t take it and suspended the world just a few feet back, giving me peace and space. Once it’s finished I ask how long has it lasted. 40 minutes it turns out.

I leave the oil in my hair for a few hours afterwards – the benefits will continue to work on my body explains my lovely therapist Kavinda – and laze around in the spa. The pool area is light-filled from the huge wraparound window. I lie on a sunlounger and enjoy the benefits of the sun without the drawbacks of the wind. The main swimming pool is very large and the massage pool bigger than some standard-size hotel pools; there are also hot and cold plunge pools and a sauna.

That night I sleep like a baby and wake with gloriously shiny glossy hair, like an A-lister on Oscar night. And during my Udvartana massage the next morning I devote the 55 minutes to working out a niggling problem that’s been bothering me for ages and is probably the cause of my excessive tiredness and propensity to be bothered by over-shiny taps. The herbal exfoliator will continue to work out the toxins in my body and mind says Kavinda as she finishes the treatment. And she’s right. By the end of the day the problem is gone.

Back in the real world, what’s the hotel like?

Looking very ‘Victorian sea-front’ in its website photo, the hotel’s exterior actually masks a fully renovated, very modern interior space. And it’s not on the seafront though I can catch glimpses of the beach from its hilltop location, the promenade is a 20-minute walk.

The building dates from the mid-1800s when it first opened as the Imperial hotel. Deemed ‘too grand’ by the locals, it eventually closed and has since been a Jesuit college and a training school for German officers during the island’s wartime occupation. It re-opened as a hotel in the ‘70s and went through a complete refurbishment a few years ago, adding the spa in 2006.

What else can I do in Jersey?

There’s no shortage of entertainment once you’ve done your time lounging in the spa; highlights include Durrell Wildlife Park in 32 acres of gardens, the Neolithic passage grave and dolmen Le Pouquelaye de Faldouet, two castles – Mont Orgueil and Grosnez, and plenty of adventure centres, sea sports, tours and walks. For full details on a huge variety of activities visit the Jersey Tourism website at www.jersey.com