Day 1

It’s the day after the hottest day of the year. Two Uber drivers have just cancelled my booking, so I take my walking stick and my suitcase and haul myself and it onto the bus. I arrive at East Croydon train station, knowing already I’ve missed the train I wanted to catch.

It doesn’t matter. The heat is still melting overhead lines and the train schedules are up the walls. Eventually I get on one, arrive at Horsham exactly one hour later than planned and jump in a taxi for the 20-minute drive to the Simply Healing Retreat, where I’m about to have nothing except juice for 3 days.

A call on my mobile from the engineer who’s arrived to fix my internet, claiming he’s outside my house getting no response to the bell – I know my flatmate is in there – means I arrive in a cloud of expletives, trying to reassure the man he will get in, calling my flatmate to see where the hell he is, phoning my upstairs neighbour to see if she’s around and scaring the taxi driver, who drives off quickly after leaving me at the door.

I stand outside a rather lovely red-bricked country house surrounded by gardens and rolling fields, shouting into my phone as somebody tiptoes out of the house, picks up my suitcase and takes it inside, smiling and nodding at me, telling me to take my time.

I hang up and take a deep breath. Here the heat isn’t as oppressive as in London, there’s a gentle breeze and rustling leaves. There are sunloungers and sculptures in the gardens and a hanging swing under some trees. I step inside to a quiet peaceful space with couches, take another breath and think, wow, I’m glad I didn’t come shouting in here.

Later, after I’ve checked into my room – a gorgeous light-filled space with views of the garden – changed into my robe and padded back down in my slippers to the treatment room for my body scrub, I feel totally relaxed.I’ve left bad Uber drivers, messed up trains, mixed up internet appointments and my grumpy self behind. And because I had a big hunk of bread and blue cheese before I left the house, I don’t yet feel hungry.

At 4.30 there’s ‘afternoon (herbal) tea’ at reception (just tea, no sandwiches, cake or scones sadly) and I meet some of my fellow ‘inmates’ who’ve been here a few days. Two of them say they’ve done nothing but sleep for their first full day and I think, good on you, sleep is hugely underrated in this life. There are 8 of us here for the weekend, everybody has their own story, all of us wanting to detox and relax for one reason or another.

It’s a great place to swap stories and information and most people here have come on personal recommendations so I hear many positive Simply Healing success stories. The guests who’ve been here for a few days are already looking refreshed and glowing – ‘honestly, you wouldn’t believe the difference in her since she arrived’, one man tells me about a fellow guest, and I wonder if I’ll be radiant too when I leave. Then I go out to the garden and spend half an hour swinging on the lounger under the trees.

At 5.30pm I have my first juice – something green with celery – and then meditation at 7 – a guided journey led by Vivien, the shamanic healer who runs the retreat. And I’m delighted to find that at 7.30 we have soup! Detox soup albeit – pea, lettuce and mint – but soup nonetheless. My teeth fall excitedly on shreds of lettuce and two whole peas, chewing enthusiastically.

I don’t start to feel hungry until around about 9pm, back in my room, tucked up for the night. There are TVs and DVD players in our rooms – with lots of DVDs to borrow from the big book-filled sitting room downstairs – but we’re encouraged to keep the volume low to allow others to rest, with everything turned off by 10.30pm. Mobiles are not allowed in the public areas and we’re reminded to speak softly when using them in our rooms.

My stomach is rumbling uncomfortably but – prepared for hunger – I’ve brought the latest Jo Nesbo thriller with me, Knife. If the antics of his depressed alcoholic detective Harry Hole can’t keep my mind off food, nothing can.

Day 2

I’ve gone to sleep starving, fantasising about juicy burgers smothered in fried onions and blue cheese. I rarely eat burgers, much less blue cheese, my detox seems to have uncovered my inner burger fan. But I wake up at 7am feeling okay. Not hungry. Not full. Just normal.

There’s hot water with lemon at reception where we detoxers discuss our night’s sleep (up every hour to pee, recounts one – toxins clearly coming out). There should have been a walk around the deer farm and through the fields this morning but, unlike yesterday’s searing temperatures, today is grey and wet.

Then it’s time for juice at 8.30am, which is served communal style in the large dining room. I spotted a biscuit barrel in the corner as soon as I walked in here yesterday – sadly empty (natch).

There’s a nice social aspect to the retreat, as we all gather together to drink juice, but it’s easy to have as much time as you want to yourself also – everybody has their own schedule of timed treatments.

There’s an exercise room with power plates and a chi machine, which is an interesting piece of equipment. Big with the Japanese, it works by moving the legs gently from side to side to circulate blood efficiently around the body, helping cells to absorb oxygen and remove toxins. Chi is the Chinese word for ‘life force energy’ and our life force energies can do with a helping hand from time to time.

I have reflexology at 9am, a lovely treatment that establishes I have no major issues with my body parts – replaced hip aside. I find reflexology fascinating. A sort of foot massage for the soles of the feet, it claims that every part of the body is connected to the bottom of the foot and by working on each section of the foot, therapists can help to heal the related body part. Sound crazy? I’ve had very accurate diagnoses from it, so don’t rule it out even though Wikipedia will tell you there “is no convincing evidence that reflexology is effective for any medical condition”. And I’m told I look “blissful” by one of the other guests after my treatment – so don’t tell me there is no benefit to this!

Then it’s juice at 11, 1 and 2.30, afternoon tea at 4.30, more juice at 5.30, meditation at 7 and carrot and sweet potato soup at 7.30. I also have a manual lymphatic drainage massage at 1.30 so it’s a packed schedule here – no lazing around detoxing for us! It does help to keep hunger at bay for a while – all that wandering down to the dining room, going for treatments, strolling out to the garden to sit on a sun-lounger. And all that drinking of juice – all freshly prepared, a different recipe each time. And I probably should point out that nobody else on the retreat feels hungry as they are all taking supplements with their juices to help with their cleansing. Just me then…

I’ve practically been put into a coma by my lunchtime massage, so deeply relaxing is the experience, so have to indulge in a half-hour nap back in my room. Where they’ve thoughtfully replaced yesterday’s velvet throw with a snuggly fur one in deference to the weather.

But despite it all, I’m still hungry by early evening, with the beginnings of a slight headache. I’ve had to stop reading the second book I’ve brought with me, Is Butter A Carb? Unpicking Fact from Fiction in the World of Nutrition. All that talk of proteins and fats is making me salivate.

I go for a walk with a few of my companions around the next-door deer farm to keep my mind off it. No deer in sight. Probably just as well. I can’t stop thinking about venison. There’s a slight uphill incline on the way home which has us all puffing slightly and for some God unknown reason, we’ve talked about nothing but food on the entire journey.

Still, that night I turn on the lamps in my bedroom, cosy up with my fur blanket on the couch, and let Harry Hole take my mind off everything again.

Day 3: the final day

I’m definitely hungry when I wake up on day 3 but also happy, looking forward to the salad I will be having for lunch. Yes, it’s my last day today and I get to have a salad before I go, introducing my body back to solids gradually. Vivien, who runs Simply Healing, recommends that we introduce light food gradually once we leave, stick to the juicing and carry on drinking the four bottles of water we’re encouraged to take every day. We’re all issued with water bottles with our names on them on arrival and I’ve been carrying mine with me everywhere.

Vivien is an interesting person. A trainer healer and shaman, she has run the Simply Healing Retreat in Sussex for the past 20 years and counts celebrities and Royal Families among her guests. She has worked all over the world, starting in California where she introduced her juice retreats 30 years ago, after using the technique to manage her own health issues. She’s run healing clinics all over the UK and Ireland, led pilgrimages to sacred sites in Peru, Egypt and Mexico and still leads tours to meet the shamans of Manu Picchu every year.

The Sussex retreat has a massive 68% visitor return rate and there’s no doubt from leafing through the visitors’ book at reception that guests have experienced amazing benefits from their time here. With people returning for the second, third and fourth times, comments describe the programmes as “life-changing”, “heart-warming”, “mind-opening” and “amazing – didn’t want to leave”. “I lost my weight and found myself” says one poignant entry.

Guests also pay tribute to the support they receive from staff – all of the therapists are highly qualified and experienced and have worked with Vivien for many years, because “they like it here”, she explains. Running the retreat with her daughter, she bought the house to open it to others and carry on her healing work. In addition to the prescribed detox and weight-loss programmes, additional treatments, including one-to-one sessions with Vivien herself, are available as add-ons. Groups are kept small, 12 guests is the maximum number the house can hold but 10 is the average – the weekend I visit, there are just 8 of us.

And while our bodies have sophisticated mechanism for detoxing themselves – namely our liver, kidneys, gut, skin and lungs (as my nutrition book Is Butter A Carb? reminded me before hunger drove me to put it down) – it really does help to step out of our busy lives occasionally to take a good look at how we’re eating and how we’re living. It’s easy to get into bad habits when life is too rushed, too fast, too stressed – and it’s of no help at all to our guts, liver, kidneys and the rest to live like this.

Having a routine is a good way to make a change and I enjoy the regular juice times during the retreat, vowing to stick to something similar back at home. Most of my days kick off to an erratic start, with lots of rushing around. Making time in the morning to take some juice, eat a mindful breakfast and fill up a water bottle is a much better option – it will just take a bit of organising.

And now it’s time for me to leave. I’ve had my detox massage after my morning juice, taken a stroll around the grounds, drank more juice, rocked in the swing, eaten my lunch-time salad and had a quick chat with Vivien – she gives each guest a personalised one-to-one consultation before they leave, offering advice on incorporating elements of the detox diet into everyday life.

Okay, I admit it, I had a bar of chocolate as soon as I got to the train station for the journey home. And it tasted glorious. But since I’ve been back I’ve continued to juice every morning, keep a water bottle beside me to sip from throughout the day and am eating lots of fresh vegetables and fruit.

My skin looks clearer and my eyes are brighter. I feel a bit lighter, less bloated. But more importantly, I have a healthy routine now which fits in easily with my everyday lifestyle. While our bodies don’t constantly need to go through the extremes of detoxing, it’s certainly useful to take a step back and re-adjust bad habits. It has certainly helped me.

Read my Simply Healing review in The Scotsman

The Simply Healing Detox Retreat, West Sussex, offers 5, 7 or 10 day detox and weight-loss programmes, as well as weekend retreats; for more information visit www.simplyhealingcentre.com, call 01403 822117 or email info@simplyhealingcentre.com